It's my husband's fault

Hi my name is Heather and I have been researching my family history for many years. I wasn't really interested in starting as I didn't have much information to go on, only knowing my grandmothers' names, both my grandfathers dying before I was born and my parents were both deceased as well, so no-one to ask for details. The well worn phrase that I am sure many of us have used springs to mind, "If only I had asked about the family whilst they were still alive"

My husband started to research his family history and I would try to help him, then I was bitten by the bug and have been addicted ever since. I am still finding new things out about the family as more and more information is posted on the internet, when I started there wasn't a great deal online, but now it is amazing what and where information comes from, yes there are many brick walls but it is such fun when the wall comes tumbling down.

 

When I ask my uncle about family, all I ever get is "you should have asked your mother" - about 20 years too late for that!

Fun? Just wait till it becomes an obsession

 

I blame my sister! She started researching about 25 years ago, and on discovering that quite a few of our ancestors came from quite close to where my husband and I were living at the time, asked if we could visit the local archives for her. We duly obliged and before long were completely addicted - 25 years and several house moves down the line, we still are, each researching our respective ancestry.

 

My maiden name is Doherty and apart from the difficulty of ever getting it spelled or pronounced correctly as I grew up (in England), I never gave it much thought. Suddenly, in 1998, I decided it was time to find out just why I had an Irish surname. By then both my parents were dead and, like Heather, I wondered why I hadn't tried to find out when they were still alive. I knew Dad had been born in England but I had no idea about his father; perhaps he'd been born in Ireland. I did know he'd been a C of E priest and so I wrote to the vicar of the only parish, Felsted in Essex, where I knew he'd also been a vicar at one point. And that was how it started. One thing led to another and within only 6 months I discovered that it was in fact my great-grandfather who'd come to England from Ireland, in the 1830s. Roughly one year after starting my enquiries (and not knowing anything about online research) I was able to go to Ireland, to Donegal, and meet several families of 3rd cousins once removed, descendants of my great-grandfather's brother. Amazing. Since then I've branched out into several other families, but nothing will dim the magic of that first discovery and meeting my living Irish relatives.

 

I cant even remember why I started researching my ancestors, but it is a totally absorbing obsession now, and I am sure I bore to death anyone that will give me a few moments of their time to listen while I spout off how far back I have got, etc etc !! What's worse is that I am now also looking into my husbands side as a favour for his mother, and my previous first husband's ancestors for my son's information. I just will say that my two sons eyes glaze over when I talk about our family tree, but I am confident they will be glad of the details I have accumulated when they get older

 

Glazed eyes - only too familiar! Right now we're staying at our lakeside hideaway (I live in Finland, by the way), but my mail - what little there is nowadays - goes to our town address. One of our daughters is in charge of forwarding anything that might be important. I've been waiting and waiting for a letter from a man in England with information about one of my families. Yesterday I asked the daughter, whose name - wait for it - is Carla, if anything important had come. No, nothing, she said - only some family tree stuff!!!! I won't print my reply.

 

Oh dear Gillian, I couldn't help but laugh out loud when I read your post. I can feel your frustration, and know full well the thoughts you probably had when your daughter replied to your question...

 

It did not so much begin in the 1980's -I was far too busy working -but the trigger point took place then. My Dad - then in his 70's took his brother 10 years his senior out for a drink in a Pub once a week, and on this occasion I was visiting and went with them. Whilst Dad was at the bar my Uncle said apropos of nothing, 'of course you know your Grandma's mother (his own and my Dad's grandmother) was Irish, born an O'Flynn from Galway'. (Prior to this I had not heard a word about any Irish connection)

I never forgot that conversation and long after both my father and uncle died I began researching the family with the driving point to learn more of my Irish roots. It took me many years to break the surface, and even today there are still holes on the 'Irish' side. But bit by bit I became bitten by the genealogical bug and after retirement it became my big passion.

And yes I know only too well the dazed glaze that comes over peoples eyes when I hold forth on this or that section of the family. But I get my own back when someone brings up the subject of football or any other sport for that matter. Horses for courses as my mother used to say

 

I think that I am the one to blame in my family for probing into the family history. Even before I was a teenager, I had heard my parents mention some names in relation to some family matter and I asked for an indication as to how we were all related. That was too complicated for a verbal reply so we all sat down and started to draw a chart. More additions were made and the whole thing became a mess so my father redrew it and then added even more names, most of which meant nothing to me. However, I do remember that one part of the family had a lot of children, maybe 9 or 10. I was just the middle of 3 boys.

Once bitten, my father could not let go and gradually extended the growing family on both his and my mother's sides but particularly back to a master mariner from Chester, born in the early 1800s. This was all back in the days before the internet and computer access. A couple of days, he took holiday and spent them researching at Somerset House in London, noting references to bound volumes on special forms. I still have those documents in a suitcase and really must get them out and discover just what they reveal.

 

On the surface my wife has always shown little interest in her family background. However every now and again she regrets not querying things with her parents, although I doubt she would have got far as she was brought up in an age where children were ‘seen but not heard’ and told very little of what was going on or who people were. Here are a few examples of questions I have tried to resolve in my research of her family.

The saddest example (and I have written about this elsewhere in the Forum) was the answer given to her by her Mother as a child when she asked what had happened to her ‘real’ (maternal) Grandfather. (She had learned that her Gran’s husband was not her real Grandfather). The answer given was that ‘he had left home and never came back’. I discovered he had served in WW1 and was killed in action. How had she grown up not knowing her grandfather had died for his country?

A more trivial matter – but still important to her – is in trying to find out who were the relations her Mom and Dad visited in Kendal in the Lake district(She never met them but recalls photos and conversations of their visits). She has no idea on which side of her family they came from or –as she was the offspring of both their second marriages – whether they related on either side to their first or second marriages? Despite my best efforts I have been quite unable to resolve the matter.

It should also have been a simple matter to find relatives in Birmingham (she lived 60 miles away in Northampton). She recalls that as a young girl (say 9/10) her Dad took her on the back of his scooter to Birmingham to visit and stay for a fortnight with his Aunt and family. She remembers the visits with affection, recalling that she was handed over to various relations during her stay and totally spoiled by each. She can remember the area of Birmingham, places visited and a few first names, but that is all. The handicap for me is similar to the one above. Was her father’s Aunt a blood line relative of either of his parents, or perhaps in-law Aunts/Uncles of his first wife. That matter also remains unresolved.

Neither of my wife’s parents are alive or any particularly close relative. Those she does have been at a loss to throw light on either matter. So they remain on the back burner and from time to time I take them out, dust them off, and try again.

 

Much too late for that AndyMick !

 

So my wife was not the only one - agreed not 70+ years but certainly 40+ years - to find out that someone who had 'just left home' had in fact been killed in action during WW1. Quite amazing.

 

I've only come across it in reverse, where my wife's mother told her, "Your grandfather was killed in the war". In recent years my wife was told by her aunt, "Is that she told you? He ran off with another woman!" (About 55 years later)

 

Brilliant emjay and it made my wife laugh when I told her there was another side to the coin about learning family 'truths' later in life.

 

My husband's great uncle wasn't killed in the war - the explanation of his disappearance was much more original. He was supposedly "religious" and became a missionary working with the aborigines of central Australia. He went missing crossing the Great Sandy Desert and left a wife and children to mourn their loss. He was actually, amongst other things, a piano tuner, tram conductor and building developer who ran off with another woman and had a second family with her!

 

I started family history in 1991 when I realised I had never heard my grandparents names. My father died when I was 7 and we moved to Australia two years later. His parents had both died 20 years before I was born so no one really knew anything about them and all the cousins were still in Ireland. My mother was illegitimate so that wiped out her paternal side. Left only one grandmother who we found after arriving in
Australia but who didn't talk much about family. I wish they were all around to fill me in now. Naturally after all this time I have found out more about the families and lots on my husband's side.

 

I am very new to Forums but like Heather, and so many more, my ancestors were not around to find answers to my questions. However, since staring my research I have come across such amazing facts and details. My maternal grandfather had 13 siblings - I only knew of 3 - and my 3x maternal grandfather was Welsh born only 14 miles from were we now live. Amazing, fascinating and so wonderful.

 

My interest started with a family photo sent to my Dad by one of his sisters. He recognised his grandmother and wrote on the back who she was - I had a full name to start with! Unfortunately I didn't start my research then and there, only finding the photo after Dad had passed away. Since then, though, I've kept his brother and sisters up to date with my findings - including 2 black sheep! Great fun. Just last week, my cousin came up with a drawing of my great grandfather [one of the black sheep]- my Dad looks a lot like him!