Written Records More Informative Than Family?

It is received wisdom in the world of family history that, when starting out, you should consult older family members first. But what if they don't want to answer? Whenever my husband asked his father about their family background, he received the answer "What do you want to know that for?" And if I asked a question about older relatives I was told in no uncertain terms, "It's none of your business."

Once when my mother was talking about her family, she began a sentence with "When they lived at cotton mill." To my ears this made no sense. Surely it should have been 'at the cotton mill' or 'by the cotton mill', so I ventured to ask what or where this cotton mill was. "Of course you know where cotton mill is," came the reply, "You've been there." I dared to suggest that perhaps I hadn't and she paused for a while, thought about it and then agreed that I might be right. But I never got an answer to my question.

Forty years later ..... I have now discovered from the records that my great grandfather was a miller, originally from the village of North Scarle in Lincolnshire. In 1901 and 1911, he was living in Mill Yard in the village of Nether Langwith in Nottinghamshire. A visit to the location has revealed a large, derelict mill building and online research tells me that it was used for cotton spinning until 1848 and had been converted to a flour mill by 1886. The workers' cottages where my great-grandfather lived and my grandfather was born have now been demolished, but further examination of the 1911 census schedule reveals that several houses in the village have the address 'Cotton Mill' from the adjacent cotton mill. I have no idea why my mother couldn't just have given me that information.

However, I can tell from my researches that families have secrets that they have probably learnt to keep quiet about: for example, my husband's grandfather took his own life; his great-grandparents never married and I have a murderer in my tree. So my advice to people starting out is to thoroughly research the documentary evidence. Whilst mistakes can and do occur, eventually and with any luck, the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle will fit together and finally you will see the big picture.