'Cold contacting' unknown distant cousins (not through a genealogical site)

But circumstances may have changed.

 

LostCousins has been going for nearly 15 years, and most people's lives change dramatically on that time-scale - some people who were actively researching their tree then might now be carers, or (grand)child-minders; the lives of others will be dominated by health issues. Some will have put their research in the loft, or it might be on an old computer waiting to be ported across.

When we find a new relative it's usually because we've just entered someone new on our My Ancestors page - our relative might have made their entry back in 2004.

Something else to bear in mind is that emails don't always reach the intended recipient - this is a particular problem for Hotmail (and other Microsoft) addresses, because the emails can disappear into a black hole. Yahoo generally bounce back messages they don't like; Gmail put them into spam. Gmail users should check the All Mail folder from time to time.

This isn't just an issue for your emails going to the other person, it could also apply to their replies to you (depending on the email provider you use). If all members followed my advice and deferred exchanging email addresses until they had established a rapport with their new relatives there would be less opportunity for things to go wrong.

 

That's correct. But the email address is shown only after both members have agreed to exchange email addresses, and that really shouldn't happen on a first date.

In my post I wasn't talking about email addresses that no longer work, but email providers who intercept incoming mail based on their own criteria. Some put emails they don't like into the recipient's spam folder, some return them to the sender, and others (especially Hotmail) just make them disappear - which is the worst possible outcome because neither sender nor the intended recipient ever knows.

Gmail is the best free web-based service (and the most secure), and they don't reject incoming mail - BUT sometimes the only place you'll find an incoming email is in the All Mail folder.

If you send a message through your My Cousins page and the address is no longer working it won't bounce back to you, but it should bounce back to me. If that happened I would obviously let you know.